Perfect isn’t Possible
I, like many other people love for things to be perfect. Perfectly color coordinated, perfectly organized, perfectly predictable.
Naturally, when I was diagnosed with MS I tried to make it appear perfect. Mostly because I didn’t want to appear like I couldn’t ’handle it’ AND I didn’t want to be burdensome for others.
In the early days I chose to hide, ignore and fight against symptoms. And, you know those emotions that are always bubbling right below the surface? I stuffed those babies down deep. Ya know, as one does when they are trying to make a very imperfect situation appear like it is all rainbows and butterflies.
Like anyone else who has ever done that, I got worn out.
That was years ago. Now, in order to preserve my own well being and to live authentically I stopped putting on the perfect show and I stopped expecting things to be perfect.
Dropping expectations works for sure, but every now and then life seems to come together in an exceptionally gigantic it’s so-fucked-it’s-laughable mess of imperfection.
You may know I am in the process of switching to Briumvi. The transition has been full of administrative delays and communication misses between hospitals and insurance resulting in a lapse in treatment. This is causing symptoms to increase significantly.
It’s a literal sh*tstorm of imperfect situations - all expectations have gone awry.
You know those times when it’s such a mess you just laugh? Then cry? Then laugh? Then get pissed? Around and around again?
That’s me right now.
While I am annoyed that things went THIS astray, there are reminders I tell myself that help big time.
If you happen to be in an imperfect mess too, test them out the next time you catch yourself striving for unattainable perfection.
REMINDERS ABOUT Expectations + PERFECTION
First, friendly reminder that expectations do not change the outcome. You can prepare for different outcomes but expecting or assuming that that outcome will happen is a recipe for disappointment (and a waste of time and energy). If you could think your way perfect, my life would be very different (and I’m sure yours would be too).
Second, remember that fighting for control is and always will be a winner-less battle. Instead of fighting, which doesn’t work, try the opposite - acceptance. When you choose to meet any situation - positive or not - with acceptance it frees up brain space. Instead of getting stuck in the cycle of dwelling on why, the fairness of it all, or ignoring it completely, you are saying ‘ok, this is happening, what do I need to take care of myself right now’. Then you can shift into action by getting to know your body + mind, your needs and boundaries. The more you learn, the easier it will be to know what you need in the moment so you can ride the wave as best you can.
Third, remember to speak kindly and compassionately to yourself always, especially when snafus arise. Let’s be real for a sec - we actually need the ups and downs because that is how we know what balance is. Think about it - if you didn’t know hard times, how would you know what easy or the middle ground even is?
Instead of beating yourself up that you’re having a hard time, know that it is completely normal to have difficult periods. Try speaking to yourself like you are your own personal cheerleader - say what you need to encourage, support and empower yourself. It may feel weird at first (or it did for me at least). Just keep testing out different ways to coach yourself and you’ll find the right motivating yet firm tone and sense of humor that works for you.
You don’t need others to amp yourself up, they don’t know how to do it best anyway. YOU know what resonates and pumps YOU up! It’s your responsibility to be aware of when you need to hear those things and say them to yourself ad nauseam.
One of my personal favorites is for when I need to get out of my head and get back into life —-
You can do this. You are a badass capable bitch. Just give it a shot and then re-evaluate if you need to adjust, but you won’t know if you don’t take action. You can sit here and think yourself into a spiral or do something. The choice is yours. Use your power to your (health’s) benefit.
Then I think about what I need, countdown from three and get up and do it.
Disclaimer: This is not easy and I am in no way perfect (surprise), but just acting in a opposite way then the way I used to, which is to spiral, gives me the practice I need to turn this into an automatic habit. It takes time, but continuing to do the thing that isn’t helping you surely won’t create the change you are hoping to see. So might as well try something new to see if it will create different results.
YOUR TURN
What about you? Do you have certain things you do or say to yourself when you are struggling with perfectionism, expectations or the challenges of living with illness?
Drop ‘em in the comments…
