How to Process Emotions
Unless you live under a rock you probably have heard me talk about LIFT, which stands for Living with Illness and Fucking Thriving.
To be honest I was never a fan of using the word ‘thriving’ - I feel like it is overused and fails to encompass the full chronic illness experience. BUT to me, ‘thriving’ means something different…
It’s not saying that everything is rainbows + butterflies all the time.
‘Thriving’ is saying:
I trust myself and my ability to prioritize my health and wellbeing through the ups and downs of life.
I am confident with myself and my choices to do whatever best supports me while living with illness.
I am at peace with the past. I believe in myself and have the tools to move skillfully through this journey.
I know how to listen to my body and adjust as needed.
I do not shy away from emotions, because I know how to process and release them.
Point blank thriving is about confidence, trust + freedom and the peace that comes from them.
The thing is, you can’t fucking thrive with illness if you don’t tune in with yourself and process and release the countless emotions that come along this journey. It’s impossible to move forward with all that baggage - it’s too heavy.
In general we shy away from the hard emotions - you know the ones - the shame, anger, sadness, despair, etc. No one wants to feel that shit. It’s a major downer. So, instead of feeling we will stuff it down or ignore it. And unfortunately, this gives it a chance to grow and then come out when you least expect it.
But how do you actually process emotions so they don’t come back and bite you in the ass?
Let’s get into it…
Step One - Tune into Yourself
Become aware of your physiological sensations, emotions, how you feel mentally and physically. Assess your basic needs.
For example, you can ask yourself questions like: Do I feel anxious? Am I hot? Cold? Do I feel heavy? Sad? Angry? Have I had enough sleep? Am I hungry?
Step 2 - Name it, don’t judge it.
Pause and assess how you are feeling. What emotions are you feeling? Are they general or specific?
You can use the feelings wheel below to put names to the emotions you are experiencing.
Understanding how you are feeling EXACTLY is critical. This will help you figure out what to do to support yourself.
Step 3 - Get Curious
You know the emotions you’re feeling, now look at the context. The point of this is to explore possible explanations for your feelings. Remember, don’t judge or invalidate yourself, just observe with curiosity.
Ask yourself: what just happened? Why did that make me feel that way? Why now?
Step 4 - Dig Deeper
After naming the emotion and understanding context explore things you can do to support yourself. You may know exactly what you need, but if you don’t that is 100% ok! Some of this is trial and error with the intention of figuring out how to move through a specific emotion. So you may need to try things and see what works and what doesn’t.
Ask yourself:
What can I do to work through this emotion?
What do you need in this moment to care for yourself?
What action would be the most impactful and best for my well being right now?
Do I need a change of scenery? A different task? Help/Support? A (responsible, not harmful) mood boost?
Step 5 - Take Action
Emotions hold energy. When I am sad, I feel heavy. If I am mad, I feel jittery and full of energy. It’s crucial to channel whatever type of energy you’re feeling from the emotion into an action. That way it can move through you and be released.
Here’s the deal - You decide what would be best for you at the time but here are some options - get outside, be social, journal, do something creative, get physical activity, try deep breathing, emotional release like crying.
The key is that you take action with the intention of releasing the emotion and being present and mindful instead of ruminating on things you can’t control.
Step 6 - Be Kind
This isn’t so much a final step as it is a reminder. Sitting with the tough shit sucks. Processing emotions is hard. If it was easy everyone would do it. So be nice and patient with yourself throughout this process.
This takes practice. It will not go perfectly. When that happens don’t be a dick to yourself - there is no need to pour salt on the wound. Instead, talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend.
Over time you will figure out what works when you’re feeling sad, what works when you are angry, etc. Then when those emotions inevitably come out, you can get your little toolbox and work through them and get back to living with illness and fucking thriving. :)
