Grieving your Old Self
Change is constant.
We are constantly growing and evolving from who we used to be. Frequently, the changes are outside of our control and chronic illness adds a layer of unknown to all that change.
Who likes the unknown?
Nobody.
It’s scary and we lack complete control over it. Instead of embracing it, we often dig our feet into the ground and resist it. We dream of our old self, and endlessly wish that we could go back there, even just for a little bit.
I know - I have had these feelings on and off for a long time.
But here’s the thing, all that time and energy we spend longing for our old self is time and energy that we take away from appreciating who we currently are.
We rob ourselves of living in the present.
We deny ourselves of the opportunity to focus on rebuilding into something new and stronger than before.
By dwelling on the past, we miss out on the present and the future.
Now in no way am I saying not to grieve your old self, those feelings absolutely need to be felt and processed. However, you don’t have to stay in that space. You can choose to move onward.
How?
Shake it up - instead of thinking about all the things you miss, think about what you have gained because of this unwelcome change and how it has shaped you into a new version of yourself.
For me, I found the joy in slowing down and appreciating the little things. I also am prioritizing my health and wellbeing more than I was before. And, I am starting to do more things physically, which brings a sense of accomplishment and confidence. I know I am definitely stronger after this fun ‘lil relapse than before, mentally and physically.
That said, I still catch myself ruminating on what chronic illness has taken from me. When that happens, I stop and remind myself that my time and energy is best spent living in the here and now. Those thoughts do still come up, but now I can brush them away before they fuck up my day. I may need to stay that to myself a few times for it to stick - I am pretty stubborn after all, but its progress regardless.
Here’s my question to you - where can you apply this so you too can be enjoying your life in the moment vs reliving the past?
