My Diagnosis Story
First, hi there!
My name is Sam!
I am a straight forward chronic illness coach and personal trainer (more on that in future posts). I don’t sugar coat things or beat around the bush. In honor of that, I figured it would only be right to immediately jump into a BIG story about the time my life was forever changed…
Back in 2005 I was a 19 year old sophomore at The Ohio State University. I was your ‘normal, healthy’ college student. It was my first year living alone and I had spent most of Fall Quarter studying and hanging out with friends. Life was good.
One crisp Saturday morning I woke up earlier than normal because I was excited to finally be going to a football game! I felt a little ‘off’ but thought I was just extra low on sleep. I put on my favorite pair of jeans and my OSU jersey to go to my friend’s tailgate party.
I made the short walk in the cool, fall air, but noticed something odd. I was (very obviously) sweating through my shirt. Who knows why this wasn’t a red flag, but at the time I was pretty good at ignoring things, so I went on my naive way.
It only got worse at the game. And by worse, I mean super fucking embarrassing - I managed to sweat through my ENTIRE outfit, jersey, jeans, everything.
After the game I went home to change and then went back out with friends. By the time I got home I was exhausted and went right to sleep.
Then, I woke up 20, yes, 20 hours later.
I opened my eyes but saw double of everything. My legs were so weak and uncoordinated I was barely able to stand up. When I tried walking, I looked like a baby deer learning how to walk for the first time. Plus, my face was numb on the left side and I had zero hand coordination in my dominant (right) hand.
My friend came over to take me to the ER.
Over the next 24 hours, I stayed at the hospital and had countless tests done. My parents made the drive to the OSU Medical Center and arrived in time to hear the doctor’s diagnosis – Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis.
I had no idea what MS was.
The doctor advised staying at the hospital. My parents wanted to get home immediately. I had no energy to go back and forth, so I did what they wanted and signed out against medical advice.
Once home, we made an appointment with a local neurologist. I received Solumedrol infusions and they did more tests, including a spinal tap. At the appointment to hear test results, the neurologist confirmed that it was Multiple Sclerosis. I looked over to my mom. She had burst into tears. My dad was trying to console her. I barely saw this type of emotion from my parents, which made it more overwhelming. They both were looking at me like my life was over. I was consumed by their reactions and felt ashamed, terrified and devastated.
The next few months are still a blur. I withdrew from classes for the quarter and stayed home for 8 weeks to recover. During that time, I could barely do anything by myself. It was frustrating. It was clear that I was perceived as a burden now. I just wanted to get back the physical capability I lost, so I focused on physical therapy exercises and resting.
Slowly, things came back. My vision was first, then hand coordination improved and numbness dissipated. While my legs were still weak periodically, I decided to go back to school for the next quarter.
I had a cassette tape recorder (yes, I am old) so I could record and re-listen to lectures since my writing was slow. I was ready for the challenge.
At the time I had started taking Rebif, an injectable medicine that has the lovely side effect of making you feel like you got run over by a bus (or had the flu) 3 times per week. My plan was to take it easy and prioritize my health above all. Overall, going back went as expected, except for one BIG thing.
In no way, shape or form was I ready to for the emotions that came alone with re-integrating into college life after such a traumatic event.
I have a lot more to say on this topic, but just know the levels of loneliness, shame, fear, and sadness I felt were unreal. It was an adjustment, and continued to be, for a long time after, but that is a story for another day.
