Your Attention is Everything
This reminder has been playing on repeat in my head recently.
A few newsletters ago I talked about the idea that wherever your attention goes, your energy flows, resulting in whatever you are focusing on to grow.
This graphic gives a little refresher…
The idea of allocating energy to things that serve your mental and physical health the best is so important when living with illness - if the things you give your attention to are positive or neutral, that’s great! But if they are negative or consumed with worry or fear, that is fast tracking your way to a rough mental health day (or week or month or year).
As humans we are wired to focus on what is wrong, what is out of place, what is not normal, what we can’t do or don’t have compared to others. Then, once you give more attention to those thoughts, not only will they get louder in your mind, you will have more of them. Often this can turn a few thoughts into overwhelming, hopeless and seemingly insurmountable hurdles which in turn fucks with your emotions and before you know it you are really unregulated and borderline breaking down.
Anyone else?!?!
You’re Human + Can Change
While some of this is just how we are wired, another big part of it is conditioning. Over time your brain strengthened the thought patterns that happened the most, it’s neuroplasticity (but in an unhelpful way this time).
The thing is, If you can condition your mind to sway negative through years and years of unintentional training, you can condition it to sway neutral too - it’s neuroplasticity (but in a helpful way).
Just to be abundantly clear the goal of reconditioning your mind is to be neutral, not an overly positive Patty.
Why?
Positive isn’t realistic or sustainable. Life is not rainbows and butterflies constantly. It will always will be full of twists and turns, which we must learn how to navigate - without getting sucked into a negative, hopeless pit of despair or trapped in a delulu world of smiles and ignoring what is.
So how does one train their mind to sway neutral instead of pessimistic and bitchy or full of toxic positivity?
First you need to observe your thoughts - meaning don’t just listen and believe every thought that crosses your mind. What are you thinking about? Once you have a thought, acknowledge it. Do not judge it - reflect on it, remember that thoughts are NOT facts. Is this thought true? What would be an alternate idea? And, if the thought was negative try entertaining a neutral (or positive if you are feeling frisky) point of view.
Example #1 - entertaining different perspectives
For example, say I drop my keys for the 8th time that day and my next thought is ‘wow my body is useless’. I acknowledge that thought and reflect on it. Hmm saying my body is useless didn’t feel great to say (or hear). -Maybe my body isn’t useless, alternatively:
maybe I’m dropping things because I have MS and for better or worse I need to focus on what I am doing more (which would actually be nice instead of frantically rushing)
maybe my body is just dropping keys because I am a busy, multitasking human
maybe my body is doing a lot just to get through the day and while dropping keys is frustrating, my body is doing a lot of other stuff right to allow me to be here today
In the above example you can see (or read) that I had a thought, paused and reflected on alternate points of view. Adding space between you and your thoughts can help redirect your attention and decrease the amount of energy flowing into an unhelpful thought. It’s like you are (metaphorically) stepping back and interrupting the energy flow.
Example #2 - validate, accept and redirect
Here is another example with some additional validation thrown in…
I notice the thought ‘Wow, you aren’t going to do anything today?’ That thought is quickly followed by ‘well then you are going to get behind. Who is going to do these chores? The house is going to be gross. It is going to be so much more work to clean it then. Why is this happening? Why is everything so hard?’ And the list goes on…
Instead of continuing to focus on the spiral that is gaining in intensity in my mind, I pause and take a breath.
I ask myself what is the benefit in going down this spiral again. It never leads to anything good, I know that.
I acknowledge the thoughts and tell myself the following to validate my feelings and redirect my energy - ‘I know it is frustrating to be limited by what you can do physically. Being worried and overwhelmed are natural responses. I know that fueling those feelings with more attention is not beneficial to me. It only hinders my ability to rest, which is the opposite of what I want to do. So instead of continuing down this path, I will remind myself that resting is what I need and by doing that now, I am taking the best care of myself and setting myself up for success in the future.’
Then when I inevitably get caught in the spiral of thoughts again, I remind myself that I am doing what is best for me right now.
WE’RE TALKING ABOUT PRACTICE
This idea of interrupting your thoughts and thus the energy flow is simple in theory but not easy. The good news is that neuroplasticity exists - our brains are malleable and with time and lots of consistent, intentional practice we can build and strengthen new pathways thus making it easier over time. The key is harnessing the power of neuroplasticity for good.
That may mean that some days you are acknowledging and reflecting on your thoughts dozens and dozens of times. This can be frustrating but, being mean to yourself won’t help - that’s fucking for sure.
You have to stay kind and firm in your commitment to feeding your best self not the cranky, overwhelmed self that shows up in that moment. And, be aware that it won’t be perfect all the time - some days your thoughts may get out of hand - the human experience is riddled with ups and downs. Find comfort that nothing lasts forever and the light will chase away the dark sooner or later.
IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE on Physically feeling the feels
Now I am well aware that our feelings, especially the big ones, can be physically felt.
For example, if I am angry, I get hot, my hands feel like they are vibrating and I often feel like a tea pot about to burst. At that point, trying to reframe my thoughts will only get me so far. What is actually helpful for me in that moment is to express the energy that has accumulated.
If you are like me and are prone to getting physical reactions to emotions, here are some ideas…
Give yourself a time limit. It’s fine to be angry and sad, and it doesn’t have to monopolize your entire day. Give yourself 15 minutes to feel and process the emotions then shift your focus to something else. For example, if I am angry I will put a timer on for 15 minutes and either write out my frustrations, stand up against a wall and push it as hard as I can on and off, or go outside and focus on taking deep breaths. Find what works for you, set a timer, and go!
If the sensations are still being particularly sticky, extend the timer or try something else to fully redirect and channel that energy elsewhere.
For example, one day recently I could NOT get out of being angry, anxious and sad. If I wasn’t expressing those emotions I was frozen doom scrolling on my phone. I tried to give myself a time limit but could not stop which only heightened my anger, sadness and anxiety. In the moment I could not figure out a way to stop the spiral. Normally I would go outside but my body was not functioning well so even a task like weeding would be too much. Finally at the end of the day, I chose to do indoor activities something equally mindless and would get my hands moving to release this pent up energy. I colored in a coloring book and then worked on a puzzle. It took some convincing to get started, but focusing on completing something else allowed me to release stored energy and emotions and did the trick.
IT’S LIFE
Emotions will arise, thoughts will go unchecked, breakdowns will happen. So will laughing until your face hurts and feeling pure joy when the sun hits your face. Life is a topsy turvy beautiful mess. It will change, the ups won’t last, and neither will the downs. The goal isn’t to avoid the downs, it’s to recognize when you are in a down, not panic, and do things that support you during the down.
Yes, it is uncomfortable to be in a (longer than ideal) down. That said, we are living with a chronic illness, we are pros at being uncomfortable. While that doesn’t mean it is okay, we are all in this together and you are not alone. You can get through a string of shitty thoughts, a line of high symptom days and/or the madness of the healthcare system.
You have a 100% success rate of getting through it - you will get through it.
