Why Radical Acceptance?
Radical Acceptance is a game changer in the chronic illness world.
Let’s start with a basic definition and then I’ll tell you why I think it is the shit.
Radical acceptance can be defined as the ability to accept situations that are outside of your control without judging them, which in turn reduces the suffering that is caused by them. (1)
If you can’t change your situation (aka you have a chronic illness), radical acceptance is the absolute best because it helps you be with, accept and move on from the many seriously uncomfortable emotions that arise in this journey.
Other perks include:
It’s simple and costs zero dollars. Disclaimer - simple does not mean easy.
It ensures that the momentary pain/emotion that you are feeling doesn’t turn into long-term suffering.
It gives you a sense of control in an otherwise overwhelming or seemingly uncontrollable situation.
It creates s p a c e to see new possibilities since you aren’t bogged the fuck down by lingering emotions.
Ummmm, I don’t know about you but those benefits are all a big fuck yes from me!
Now, you may be thinking how do I practice it?
Don’t you worry.
I got you.
The general idea is that you watch your thoughts and pay attention to which ones are of things or situations you can actually control.
Why?
You can’t control the past or the outcome of situations, or if something is perceived as ‘fair’, ‘bad’, ‘horrible’ or ‘wrong’.
The statement ‘I can’t deal with this’ is actually a conscious choice to NOT deal with something. It may feel like you are taking control, but ignoring or suppressing the problem actually gives away the control you do have and allows it to fester inside you. As it grows, so do the emotions surrounding it, like resentment, anger, and sadness. This is taking you further away from your goal of moving forward, not closer.
So stop that shit. Point blank.
Practice radical acceptance with any thought that you don’t have control over - if you don’t have control over it, you accept it and LET IT GO.
The magic is in the last part of the example - By letting go of the wish that things were different, you are releasing shame, judgement, and guilt. PLUS you are creating space to envision a way to adapt and go on. It’s a win-win.
To be clear, it isn’t easy to do and takes practice and dedication. If it is challenging, you are doing it right. Keep practicing because like most things, the more you do it the more natural it becomes.
And quite possibly the BEST part of this practice?
It teaches you how to become aware of your thoughts overall, which can be beneficial in all areas of your life.
By watching your thoughts, you put distance in between you and them and can notice repeating patterns. This gives you the coveted, observer POV - where thoughts driven by negative emotions don’t run amuck, instead, your logical thinking is there to shut that shit down.
The truth is, I have always labeled things as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ (thus giving a value to things) and had expectations of how life should be. When something didn’t work out (like being diagnosed with MS), I took it as a personal failure. Practicing radical acceptance gave me the s p a c e to forgive myself for thinking I was a failure because of a situation outside of my control. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects, I can see options and move on. I can see the light again.
With chronic illness, your reality can seem negative, challenging and heavy. Shit, you don’t even need a chronic illness, life can feel this way at times. There is no need to torture yourself - try something different and radically accept it.
Much love,
Sam
p.s. let me know how it goes if you do try it!
(1) Hall K. Radical Acceptance
