Protecting your health in a pandemic
It’s been about 3 years since the pandemic started and despite what *some* folks believe, it is still going on. If you are immunosuppressed or just hesitant to get sick in general, it is becoming increasingly difficult to feel protected in public. Restrictions are down and it seems like most people have gone back to normal.
So where does that leave the other people - the ones who are not able to go back to normal? How do you find balance and assert your boundaries?
Let’s get into it.
Step 1 - Figure out your boundaries
Think about how you will feel the most safe. There is no right or wrong here, there is only what you are/aren’t comfortable doing.
This is a 100% personal decision that differs for everyone, so take your time and reflect on what is best for YOU.
I am all about making informed decisions. Learning about transmission rates and how your medicine works to suppress your immune system (if applicable) can provide guidance when setting your boundaries. Tip: You should be able to contact the drug manufacturer to learn info about your meds.*
*Ocrevus eliminates your B cells, which is one part of your immune system, not the entire thing. Your immune system is lowest 2-3 weeks after receiving the infusion. Then it slowly rebuilds until the next infusion. Knowing this, helps me structure activities that may be higher risk (dentist, hair cut, etc) towards the time when my immune system is strongest. Is it overkill? Who knows, but idgaf b/c I prefer the peace of mind it brings.
Another piece that can help with making informed decisions is learning about accommodations. If you are not sure what options are for in person or remote school or work, research it. Then ask for what you need, there is no shame in that.
Step 2 - decide IF AND WHEN to compromise
Again, deciding if and when to compromise your boundaries is an individual decision, which means it is on YOU, not what anyone else wants you to do. It is your body and your health that is affected, not theirs after all.
Examples of compromises I have made are choosing to get a haircut earlier for my mental health or choosing to shop during the weekday mornings when the stores are less crowded. Deciding those are usually easier - it can get more complicated with more people involved.
If you want to find a compromise instead of just saying ‘no’, let them know you want to see them and remind them that you are putting your health and well being as a priority and that should be celebrated not shot down. So, if they want to hang they can help in figuring out a solution that works everyone.
Then, get creative! There are ways to work around things, so put your heads together and remember to keep the focus on the result. Like, ‘yay for getting to visit even with the pandemic’ vs. focusing on how it’s ‘not the same’.
Step 3 - Asserting your boundaries
Unfortunately, people love to get their way or tell you their opinion on your health, but it is up to you to speak up and ignore the bs. Remember ‘NO’ is a full sentence. It can be hard to say no and nothing else, but truly you are not obligated to say anything more.
If they can’t compromise or refuse to appreciate the need for you to prioritize your health, that is THEIR choice. Don’t take it personally, that speaks volumes about them and not you.
Of course their choice is very hurtful, but you don’t need to get sucked into their guilt trip or anything else. Remember, you deserve to feel just as comfortable as everyone else does in the situation and you are a badass for prioritizing your own health and wellbeing even when it hurts.
BONUS - asserting boundaries
We all have them - the boundary pushers. You know the type - the ones that make it hard to assert your needs. It may be the woman standing WAY too close to you at the store, or the family member that just doesn’t get why you can’t come to the large weekly family gathering. Whoever they are, try these conversation tips:
Be direct and do not waiver in your request -
Have confidence in what you are asking - you are doing this for your own health. It doesn’t matter if they understand, they don’t need to.
If possible, let them know ahead of time (like in the event of a family gathering, ask if everyone can be masked so you can attend). Regardless, be firm in what you need.
Examples: ‘I’m not comfortable being inside with so many people right now. Can we wear masks?.’ ‘I’m fine with being outdoors with — number of people if we are all wearing masks.’ ‘Covid is bad now, can we make sure we are only seeing people outdoors and in masks?’
Find common ground - When in discussion with someone, find the common goal you both share. Do you both want to visit? Do you just want to get in and out of the store without having another person crowd you? Whatever it is acknowledge it (ex. ‘We both want safe shopping trips and I need…) along with your own needs and then offer a compromise.
It’s always good to listen to understand when they share and validate them.
Use ‘I feel’ to explain your own opinions. For example, if your family is upset you can’t spend the holidays with them, say ‘I feel like I am putting myself at risk and that is my decision and not yours. End of story.’
Again, NO is a full sentence -
You can’t please everyone, nor is it your job to. It is your job to be safe and prioritize your needs, nothing else.
At the end of the day speaking up is hard and having to ask for accommodations can feel burdensome but you have to think about what is the best for you and really own it. If you don’t fully believe that then others will exploit it so their needs can be met over yours. As I said earlier, you DESERVE to feel safe, so act like it!
